“I am still bottled up in the ego, this I can recognize. I cannot stop (and also there, who would stop to do what?… lets drop it immediatly). I know I am not the body/mind but as you say untill this is not seen it is just a mental trick. In some particular moment I found myself to feel such feelings of well being and peace never felt before, where all other desires could not even have a reason to exist. Those moments happened just when I did not even think about them. Despite I am aware of this fact, I cannot avoid but insisting in wanting to understand them to make them happen again. I always read your posts and what you say, I feel it so close to me that I have the impression to be able to touch it for real, and then I am not able and this provokes in me a strong sense of impotence (and anger at times). Yet I am here, actually I AM NOT in this moment… and it seems I have no other choice but to let it all happen. A big thank you”
So If you are bottled in the ego the ego is separate from you is it not? This is the beginning of recognition.
That is a fact that you cannot drop because there is no you to do the dropping or anything else, the dropping will happen when it happens. The desire for this dropping is the prelude to it taking place and there is no one in charge of that desire either.
It is clear that the body/ mind is an object to this that sees it, what sees the object is always subjective to any object and as the subject it cannot be felt or seen or known in the way we talk about things, it requires a new way of seeing. The trick is coming from the mind as it tries to emulate what from time to time happens there when there is not intentional trying to see this. As you already know the trick does not do the trick does it? LOL
It is clear from your description of those moments that the seeking is not projecting something awaiting in the future that you see this from time to time, what is to be realised from this is that there really is nothing to be done to make those moments one eternal moment.
Yes the mind rests with what is in the moment then, no longer projecting other than what is.
So the desire to understand is arising, it is that way for some and that too is not in anyones control, it is simply happening.
Look at the situation ……. if you can touch it what or who would be doing the touching? It is like trying to kiss your own lips !
What is stated here is seen to be correct there because the mind is already taking time out and in those moments you are THIS, no more no less than it is here. These truly are your message to yourself LOL
Yeh I remember that anger and feeling of not being able to do anything about it, the frustration etc . It is all good stuff ….. when looked back at later LOL
Yes ! you are here ALWAYS, just here.
There is no choice because there is no one to have a choice-
It is a difficult place to be so in the words of Tony Parsons to Richard Silvester just before awakening happened,
” I HOPE YOU DIE SOON !”
With much Love Avasa
For Chay and anyone is fits.
These last few weeks I have spent time on ebay selling things from the house to empty it ready for a move to wherever existence is taking me and of course things appear that desire tells me I just HAVE to have LOL
Many times in the last moment someone pips me at the post and puts in a bid within one second after mine which is one penny more than my offer and so my MUST HAVE I do not get.
For sure at one time this would have carried with it a feeling that would not be positive LOL
These days however it is just the way it is !
If I win it is the will of existence and if I lose it is also the same, a thank you arises with laughter.
If you can go to bed tonight accepting with the same attitude the fact that enlightenment did not take place today OR that it did take place then you are in the very best place. You can drop asleep with a thank you to the will of existence.
One thing is for sure that from the ego point of view it is damned if it does’nt take place and it is damned (totally) if it does LOL
Much Love Avasa